I heard we made out
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He did a backflip because drugs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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