You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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