I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
