my sisters under your porch take her home
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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