It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
