Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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