I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i out mim tonsoeep
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
