If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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