I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need to sanitize my soul.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
