i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
