I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize