I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
