So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
