And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize