He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
