You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
