that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
as a side note pls kill me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
