And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
