I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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