P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
