i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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