I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
