The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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