if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
