i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
