I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
