just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
