do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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