I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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