I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
its liver damage thursday
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
