I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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