Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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