If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
