I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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