If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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