it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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