you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
