Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
someone owes me an orgasm
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize