Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
