Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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