I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
