oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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