i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
