Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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