You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
