Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
