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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.

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• (310): View more from California

  dude i need help, im throwing up blood.

  (323): View more from California

  no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.

  (310): View more from California

  oh, so thats why my junks red.

  (323): View more from California

  wow. cant help you there...

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today

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• (858): View more from California

  He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  That butt dial turned into a booty call.

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.

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