Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
