I look better un-naked...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
