im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize