I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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