The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
