No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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