there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize