apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
