i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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