I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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