I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
