I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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