Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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