I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
