How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
