At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
