I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
