Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize