I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
